AnnaLynne McCord revealed some serious confessions in an essay penned for Cosmopolitan. The "Dallas" actress says she was raped at 18 by someone she knew and even contemplated suicide.
"When I was 18, I moved to Los Angeles to audition for roles," McCord wrote. "One night, a guy friend called. He said he needed a good night's sleep for a meeting, as he'd been crashing on someone's couch. I had known him for some time, so I said to come over and I set him up with a clean towel. We sat on the bed and talked for a while, then I fell asleep. When I woke up, he was inside me."
"At first, I felt so disoriented and numb, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I wondered if I had done something to give him the wrong idea. I felt afraid of making him angry. Believe it or not, I didn't want to offend him. I just wanted it to be over," she continued.
McCord sought help through family and friends, who showed her it was okay to feel violated.
"My friend's reaction surprised me: He was so angry. I realized I was allowed to feel angry too," the "Nip/Tuck" star explained. "I told another friend, and she burst into tears. Again, I thought, I'm allowed to feel like this. I told my boyfriend. I told my older sister, Angel. It was another step."
She had a major fight with her then-boyfriend, which got her thinking about ending her life.
"I lay on my bed in a hotel in Madrid for days, feeling increasingly alone and hopeless," McCord recalled. "I had pills and water in hand and thought seriously about killing myself. I didn't fear death - it felt like a solution."
McCord sought professional help and began reading, writing poetry, and volunteering with abuse victims in Cambodia. She relived the tragic experience during a scene for "90210," which she felt was educational to viewers.
"When I was on '90210' a few years ago, the character I played, Naomi, was raped by someone she knew. I welcomed the story line, thinking it was important for viewers," she explained.
"I memorized my lines and rehearsed the scenes. I felt ready to go. Then when the cameras were rolling on an intense scene - a fight with an unsupportive friend after the assault - I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. My cast mates thought I had done a great job playing the part. They had no idea that I had actually been sexually assaulted by someone I knew in real life."
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